Mourning the Age Gap

*I wrote this post in the summer of 2013 when I was in the thick of trying to get pregnant with my youngest son and we were approaching the 2-year mark. I was processing my feelings and writing them for a parenting blog I ran at the time. Since that blog no longer exists, I wanted to save many posts I’d written because writing them back then served as great therapy for me. This is one of them.

A couple of months after my son turned two, I was ready to get back on the baby-making train. We got pregnant with TJ very easily, so I had faith that it would happen for us again within a few months. Little did I know that the universe had other plans for us.

I’m the oldest of four kids, all born about two years apart. Sure, we had our fights when we were young; sharing bedrooms will do that to any siblings. But we were all pretty close and I think we had a pretty rad childhood.

Cut to now, we’re all in our late 20s and 30s and living pretty far apart from each other, yet we are emotionally closer than we have ever been. We constantly support each other the best we can, given our distance.

Even before my son was born, I wanted my kids to be around the same age gap as I am to my siblings. The quantity of children was undecided but I knew I wanted them to be two to three years apart. I felt that the closeness I share with my siblings was due in part to our closeness in age.

Do siblings who are further apart in age still have fantastic relationships? Sure! I just use my own childhood as reference.

We’ve been trying for almost two years to conceive a sibling for TJ. The age gap that I thought I wanted, that I thought was perfect, is now gone. If I were to get pregnant right now, my kids would be more than four years apart. And I have no idea how much bigger that gap is going to get…. whether we conceive a child of our own or look to adoption.

More than 4 years apart and they likely won’t be in high school at the same time, looking out for each other like I did with my brother. They may not like the same generation of kids’ toys and music. Heck, I don’t even know if I will be able to use the same car seats before they expire.

A few months ago, I literally had to mourn the childhood I thought my son was going to have with any siblings… hoping it would be just like mine. I know it’s a silly notion, but the pain I felt was real.

It’s embarrassing to admit, but I was really down about it for a while. One could argue that I have no right to feel so down about my “unexplained infertility” since I have been able to have one amazing little boy when so many women are still struggling to have their first child.

To some extent, that’s true. I feel incredibly blessed to have my son.

But you know what? I’m not done yet. My family isn’t done yet. I know it’s selfish, but I want to experience pregnancy again (even the crappy parts). I want to experience childbirth again. I even want to go through the newborn phase again, no matter how much I will think back to this very moment and say, “what was I thinking?”

As time heals everything, the pain of not having my children when I wanted has lessened. As TJ grows more independent and communicates more effectively, I am seeing more and more how he is going to make an amazing big brother some day. I hope he will be able to cope with the big change that comes when a new baby joins a family; a change that probably would have been much harder on him when he was just two or even three.

Does my heart ache when TJ asks me for a baby brother or baby sister? Hell yes. I still fight back tears when he tells me, “Mommy, try harder.”

But I feel more and more at ease with the fact that the universe will choose the right time, not me.

10 Fun Facts About Me

Happy New Year!! I have lots of fun things planned for 2022 in my little world of painting and drawing, and I cannot wait to see how they evolve in the coming months.

My oldest son is 12 and he has aspirations to be a YouTube content creator someday… like many kids his age. He occasionally watches videos that give advice on social media marketing and asked me if I’d ever written a “Fun Facts” post. I haven’t, but figured I’d start the new year with a blog post and see how many I could come up with.

So here goes…

1. My son and I both tested for a Kukkiwon 1st degree black belt in taekwondo in October of 2021 and we both PASSED! It was really, really hard; both physically and mentally, but I’m so proud of both of us. I wrote much longer posts about my taekwondo journey and the test itself that you can read if you’re interested. We’ll get our black belts and certificates some time in early 2022 since they come from Korea.

2. I never developed a taste for coffee; not even coffee ice cream, and it took me until my 40s before I could enjoy a Frappuccino without cringing at the coffee flavor that most don’t even notice. I do enjoy a Frappuccino now and then and actually like the tiny coffee flavor now, so I wonder if I will eventually like coffee?

3. I hate roller coasters. They are not fun or exhilarating for me and I hate the feeling of falling or being dizzy. I will never skydive or bungee jump willingly. I even get a little anxiety when I fly if there’s any turbulence, but I love to travel, so I don’t let it stop me from exploring when I can.

4. I took the class to become a soccer referee when I was 15 in an effort to earn a little money and maybe give me an edge as a player. I ended up being pretty good at it and the year I turned 17, I earned the title of Region IV Youth Referee of the Year; one of the top 4 female referees in the US under age 24. I got to travel to some big tournaments as a result; including the US Youth Soccer National Championships as a guest. I got to referee games with FIFA referees Brian Hall and Kari Seitz. Two years later, my brother earned the same honor and went a step further being chosen as National Youth Referee of the Year.

5. I spent 30+ years hating avocados; gross texture and flavor. It wasn't until I was pregnant with my youngest in 2014 that I started to like them and now I love them. Weird!

Goofy camp counselors. Made some amazing friends.

6. When I was 18, I had a job at a Girl Scout camp where I lived there all summer curating the arts & crafts program. My camp name was Batty; named after the cartoon bat from the movie Fern Gully. I have no recollection why I chose that name. I do remembering thinking bats were cool (still do) and maybe I couldn’t think of any other camp name, so it stuck. I had so much fun at that job that I dream of getting to do it again someday.... even though I would be 15-25 years older than ALL of the other staff members and the pay is pretty terrible. I even remember the words to most of the Girl Scout songs I learned growing up.

7. My maiden name is Tebow and my family is supposedly, distantly, related to the NFL player with the same last name. Not sure how we’re related, but his fame helped the rest of the country learn how to say Tebow correctly.

8. My husband and I dated for almost 10 years before we got married and it was mostly due to economics. When we both were in college, rent was already getting crazy in the San Francisco Bay Area, so we both stayed living at home well into our 20s. Neither of us wanted to spend a bunch on rent and have it keep us from being able to buy a house. Also, in 2001 we had 6 weddings to either attend or be part of, so we were OVER weddings for a long time. We finally got married in the fall of 2007.

Selfie in Lake Tahoe BEFORE there was even a word for a selfie… with a regular camera too!!

9. I am mostly left-handed, but ambidextrous with my feet; which comes in handy when playing soccer and in martial arts. I write, draw, paint, and eat with my left hand, but I brush my teeth and use scissors with only my right hand. I use tools like a screwdriver or hammer with both hands. I have never met anyone who has similar ambidextrous quirks.

10. I am a recipient of the Girl Scout Gold Award; the highest award someone can get in Girl Scouting as a youth. It’s the equivalent of the Eagle in Boy Scouting. My Gold Award Project involved painting a few murals in the hallways of my high school and polling the student body on whether they thought it could prevent vandalism and graffiti. I am also a Lifetime Member. These photos here show two of the first small wall paintings I did in the hallways of my high school. On the left I painted my friend Jamila and just across that hallway, she painted me. Then I did a version of Picasso’s Three Musicians. For my Gold Award Project I painted a really large piece of masonite (maybe 4x6 feet? I can’t remember) that ended up being hung in the main office. It had an earth in the middle and a bunch of faces of teenagers of different ethnicities around it. I'm kinda bummed I don’t have a photo of it finished… but also not that sad, because I’ve always been a better landscape painter, ha!

If you know me, were any of these new info to you??

Black Belt Testing - The Aftermath

My oldest son and I participated in a 2-day test at our taekwondo studio a little less than two weeks ago, hoping to earn our Kukkiwon 1st degree black belts. He’s been a student since he was three and a half, so that’s eight years of training for him. I started attending class about three and a half years ago with zero intention of doing anything but enjoy the workouts. The last of my bruises are healing that I’m not sure how I got and my muscles are finally not screaming at me when I roll out of bed in the morning. There’s still some fatigue that catches me off guard though. My friend Rachel, who tested with us, said it was the equivalent of running a marathon, so it’ll take more than a week to fully recover. I think she’s right!

I wanted to write out a rundown of what our test consisted of for anyone who’s curious; since we spent the better part of 2021 preparing for it. We were attending classes five to six times a week and training on our own in between. There were nine of us testing total and a bunch of us would get together on a regular basis to train and help each other out where needed. There was one other mom testing with me, Rachel, and one other 20-something adult who didn’t train with us. The rest were comprised of kids ages 11 to 15, two of whom were our own sons.

It was truly a team effort.

Yes, I created this poster. I do most of the graphic design for our studio. ;-)

So, what went into this test?

Back in the spring, we had to submit a “Black Belt Letter of Intent;” essentially a one-page essay explaining “why I want to be a black belt.” Then we had the rest of the summer to compose a five-page essay documenting our black belt journey; including mention of each of the five tenets of taekwondo (integrity, courtesy, self-control, perseverance, and indomitable spirit). The last essay required was one-page with our plans and goals for beyond the black belt test.

Throughout the year, we were required to assist in teaching taekwondo classes for 80 hours and also complete 20 hours of community service.

For candidates under age 18, they needed to get a letter of recommendation from a teacher and from their parents. My brother-in-law, who has a black belt in jiujitsu, wrote letters for both my son and me. While he may not know much about taekwondo, he understands the work and pride that goes into earning a black belt. I technically didn’t need a letter of recommendation, but his words totally made me cry. My son also got a letter from his 5th grade teacher since his current 6th grade teachers don’t really know him very well yet.

All of our essays, service hour sheets, and letters had to be printed and organized in a binder so our masters could read everything easily. These were due the 1st of October.

Lastly, we all had to compose a one-minute video documenting our black belt journey and it had to include voice over. I got some help honing my Adobe Premiere Pro skills from one of our awesome instructors, Jessa, when making both my video and my kid’s. Having to narrow down eight years of memories into a 90-second video was really, really hard!

Jessa is a film student and made a short documentary about Rachel and me a few months ago. I don’t know if she’s planning to add to it now that our test is over, but maybe??

Here’s a rundown of what our test consisted of:

Friday was all about pushing us past our limits physically. We had a long series of exercises where we completed as many reps as we could in the time limit. There was maybe a minute in between each exercise. For the times we alternated with a partner, we got a slightly longer break. All kicks had to be either belt level (on the bags), or shoulder level (on handheld targets).

My husband and my sister cheering us on!

Physical Test, Friday, 6:30-8:45pm:

• 5 minutes of jumping jacks (no stopping)

• 2 minutes of hand-release pushups (chest all the way to the floor, hands pop up)

• 2 minutes of sit-ups

• 2 minutes of burpees

• 2 minutes of air squats

• 2 minutes of v-ups (Google it, they suck)

• 2 minutes of flutter kicks

• 2 minutes of jumping squats

• 1 minute jumping front snap kicks on a target (alternating legs)

• 1 minute axe kicks

• 1 minute spinning hook kicks (right leg)

• 1 minute spinning hook kicks (left leg)

2 minute water break

• 1 minute roundhouse kicks

• 1 minute tornado kicks

• 1 minute jumping back kicks

• 1 minute butterfly kicks

• 1 minute repeat butterfly kicks with higher number of reps

• 1 minute butterfly burpees (drop into a burpee, pushup, then two roundhouse kicks on the bag)

• 1 minute mountain climbers, short sprint, 10 butterfly kicks (this one almost made me throw up)

1 minute water break

• kicking combinations 1-10 on targets in under 2 minutes

• speed Poomsae, Taeguek 1-8 in 2 minutes (hilarious to watch, we all looked awful)

My kiddo toughing it out!

Saturday was all about the technical side of the sport. We had to show how well we know all ten punching combinations, ten kicking combinations, four weapons forms, Taegeuk 1-8 Poomsae, and Koryo (1st Dan Black Belt Poomsae). Poomsae are choreographed sets of strikes, blocks, and kicks that mimic an attack and are performed with precision and power. Kind of like Tai-chi, but faster and more powerful. We also had to demonstrate four different weapons forms. Thankfully these weren’t about speed, all of these had to be demonstrated with power AND synchronously with the group. This was my strongest skill, but it was NOT an easy thing to teach the young teens!

Then we all donned our sparring gear and had to demonstrate an application of one Taeguek form with sparring gear and full contact.

Next up was sparring and then self-defense. Sparring is pretty straightforward. Self-defense, not so much. It’s essentially you versus three attackers for two minutes and very few rules. The goal is to keep fighting and to survive. We obviously aren’t aiming to knock someone out, or actually break knees, but we are expected to shove, punch, and kick. There are kicks to the groin, throws, and lots of yelling.

The last part was board breaking. We all had to create a routine with eight boards and demonstrate our skills at both setting up board holders and executing the breaks in one shot. In between each of these routines, we all watched each other’s black belt journey videos.

My sister surprised me by flying from LA to join us for the 5k and cheer us on during testing.

Saturday morning, 8am start

• 5k run in under 45 minutes

• 1 hour written test on taekwondo history and theory

break for lunch

Technical Test, Saturday, 1:30pm start

• Punching combinations 1-10, both sides in sync

• Kicking combinations 1-10, both sides, in sync

• Poomsae, Taegeuk 1-8 (color belt forms) in sync

• Poomsae, Koryo in sync

• Individual Poomsae, Koryo and 2 mystery forms

• Bo staff form in sync

• Nunchucks form in sync

• Kamas form in sync

• Eskrima form in sync

4 minute break for water and to put on sparring gear

• Application of Poomsae, Taegeuk of choice with full contact

• Tag-team sparring, 20 minutes total, multiple rounds

• 1-minute sparring rounds, x2 per candidate

• Self-defense, 1 vs 3 for 2 minutes, full contact

2 minute break to remove sparring gear

• board breaking, 2 speed foot breaks, 2 speed hand breaks, 3 power foot breaks, 1 power hand break (power vs speed is determined by how the board is held)

• inspirational videos in between each person board breaking

My favorite parts were Application of Poomsae and the 5k (even though I still don’t love running). The weather was chilly, but we managed to avoid the rain that came later, and the fall foliage was incredible. Application of Poomsae was fun. It shows how well we really know and understand the forms and it was fun to add drama to our kicks and punches.

Surprisingly, I kind of enjoyed the tag-team sparring too. Sparring, as a whole, is really hard and scary for me. I am constantly afraid of twisting a knee or rolling an ankle, all while trying to avoid getting kicked in the head. The tag-team format was really fun and fast-paced with everyone swapping in and out pretty quickly. It let us all see each other spar and I was surprised that I enjoyed it. I may have audibly whimpered when one of our masters ended it with, “that was a great sparring warmup, now let’s do some do real sparring.”

My least favorite parts were pretty much all of Friday and self-defense. Friday was really hard for me. I experienced dizziness and nausea at a few points and was proud that I didn’t actually throw up. It pushed me to the very end of my stamina and endurance… and then pushed some more. I was also really, really nervous, so that made it hard for me to calm down and actually rest in between exercises.

In my self-defense exercise, I was terrified of falling down. The sparring chestguard (hogu) is quite long on my torso, and I knew that if I fell down, it would be tough for me to get back up again. Then, one of my attackers got overzealous with a padded bat and was whipping my head as hard as he could repeatedly. At one point I shouted “what the fuck?!” and I heard one of our masters ask him to stop with the bat. In a real-life scenario, if that had been a real bat, I would’ve died after the first blow. He was hitting that hard. He was also hitting me from behind while I fended off a different attacker and, while it didn’t hurt physically, it made me incredibly angry because it was not applicable to the exercise. I haven’t been that furious in a very long time and it took me a few minutes to get my emotions in check after my two minutes were up. I did NOT want to cry in front of that guy. In the end, I managed to stay on my feet the whole time and that was a victory for me.

I was so disappointed in my board breaking. I didn’t break all of the boards on the first try and only one of them was because my board holder didn’t do a good job. I think my brain and my body were just FRIED by that point. I really should’ve practiced the breaks more often than I did and requested to practice with real boards.

Now we wait. Any day now, our masters will reach out to set up times to meet with us one-on-one to go over our results. I have been reassured that testing is based on individual skill, fitness, and training, not comparing one candidate to another. But it’s human nature to compare ourselves to others and I can’t help but wonder where I may have fallen short.

For the last couple of weeks, it’s been tough to settle my mind now that the test is over. I haven’t been able to sleep well these past few weeks. I remember a little part of the test and go over and over how I could’ve done it better or even just differently. What did we miss in training that we should’ve practiced more? I’m very confident in a few areas, others I’m just not sure.

Either way, I’m super proud of all of us. My kiddo kicked butt and worked hard throughout and I’m proud of myself for sticking with this and not quitting when it got hard. My husband wrote a long post on Facebook just before our test and this line rang so true for me, “Her body has tried to shut this down many times, but her mind has managed to overcome every hurdle thus far.” #IceAndIbuprofenFTW

Black Belt Testing - What the Heck am I Doing?!

It’s the end of September. In a little more than one week, I’ll be testing for a Kukkiwon black belt in taekwondo. To say I’m apprehensive is an understatement.

Like seriously, how did I get here?!

I am fully aware that every martial arts studio and program has its own testing methods; no two are alike. Even within taekwondo studios, every studio does its belt ranking differently.

My oldest son, T started taekwondo when he was three. He has always been naturally agile when it comes to physical activity, so he took to taekwondo quickly. The discipline has been great for his ADHD brain and he competed in his first sparring tournament when he was six. He’s been training for eight years and he will be testing for his black belt with me next week.

His instructor, Master Amely, goaded me into attending a “Mom’s Class” one morning when T was almost four. She assured me that I would have fun and I really did. The class kicked my butt and I was unbelievably sore for days afterward. A week later, when it was time to go to the next class, I found out I was pregnant with my youngest son after more than two years of unexplained infertility. I was already feeling fatigue and I didn’t have it in me to attend another class. Master Amely seemed to understand and didn’t push. She also seemed to think she cured my infertility. Maybe??

My youngest son, M started attending classes at 22 months old. His first word was “ay-ya!” and he competed in his first sparring tournament when he was only four. Now, at age seven he takes it very seriously and joined the Extreme Team this year where he gets to learn extra tricking, board breaking, tumbling, and performs choreographed routines at belt graduations and events.

M was four years old before I had the courage and could scrape together enough confidence to attend a taekwondo class again. I was approaching my 40th birthday and struggling with serious body-image issues. Around the time M turned two, I gained about forty pounds and I still don’t know why. I’m fairly certain hormones are to blame, but it was tremendously frustrating to get used to my body at 2-3 sizes bigger than what has always been normal for me. Even after three years of taekwondo training, I am still working on getting used to it.

I’ve watched bits and pieces of the black belt test in years past. It’s two days long. It looks exhausting both physically and mentally. I’ve seen candidates fail who were younger and more fit than me. There are physical challenges that I know will push me past the boundaries of my abilities. There’s a grueling physical fitness test, a written test, a Poomsae test, a sparring test, self defense (5 vs 1), a 5k run, and we have to create and execute a board breaking routine. We have to assist in teaching classes for 80 hours and do 20 hours of community service. We have to get letters of recommendation from teachers and parents (for those under 18). We have to write eight different essays beforehand and we have to create a 1-minute video with photos and voiceover talking about our black belt journey.

There’s a reason they only have black belt testing once or twice a year.

My body is so tired and my brain is fried. My left hip and IT band are giving me issues and there’s a spot behind my right knee that aches. I have almost-constant foot pain and my neck and shoulders are screaming to take a break from holding up my boobs. To be honest, I have had more and more thoughts about quitting this week than ever.

But this close and I know I can’t quit. I need to do this both for my kids and for myself. I need to be able to show them how practice, patience, and hard work can pay off and that even at my age, I can do things that are both physically and mentally challenging. 

I stuck with taekwondo because I loved the workouts. I never had any intention of belt testing or even considering a black belt. I finally did my first color belt test just to show my kids that I could.

As I earned higher belts and the curriculum got more challenging, I realized that I needed to do this for myself as well. Making my family and friends proud is one thing, but I need to be proud of myself. I have never set a goal quite like this before. I spent most of my 30s caring for my kids and never really making time to take care of myself; both mentally and physically.  A large part of me is hoping that reaching this massive goal will help boost my confidence and body image. I have struggled with accepting my body since pregnancies resulted in drastic changes. Perhaps this accomplishment can help me love and accept the body I am in. If anything, I will be proud of all of my hard work and how it all has paid off.

Traveling: Asian Vacation with Our 3-Year-Old

I wrote this in the spring of 2013 when I ran a parenting blog. My kids are much older now, but when the blog went away, I wanted to save a handful of the posts I’d written. This is one of them:

Who says that once you have kids, you can’t travel anymore? In October of 2012, my husband and I spent two and a half weeks in Hong Kong, Macau and Hainan, China with our three year old son, TJ.

Even though we were experienced travelers at the time, I was still a little worried about how our 3 year-old would handle the lengthy flights. Up until this trip, the longest flight he’d ever been on was only six hours.

Just getting to Asia was an adventure in itself as we flew on employee benefits, so that meant flying standby:

• Salt Lake City to San Francisco

• Overnight in San Francisco with family

• San Francisco to Seattle

• Seattle to Narita, Japan

• Overnight in Narita

• Narita to Hong Kong

• Hydrofoil ferry to Macau

TJ took the multiple flights in stride playing with his toys, taking naps when needed, playing an occasional game of Angry Birds on the iPad, and enjoying the in-flight entertainment. This trip got him hooked on the show Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

In between flights, we made sure to find a place in the airport or ferry terminal where TJ could run around and my husband and I took turns playing and chasing after him. Both of us made a point to let him get his wiggles out whenever possible. We taught him how to say thank you in both Japanese and Cantonese and he often said the wrong one, which was adorable to everyone.

If we were in a very crowded space, my husband and I took turns wearing TJ on our backs in our Beco Carrier. It gave us a tremendous sense of security in a foreign place.

We also tried to encourage some excitement about each of the flights explaining to TJ that we were flying on a Boeing 777 or an Airbus A330; his first times flying on those “grown-up airplanes.”

Once it was time to head home, we flew non-stop from Hong Kong to San Francisco. That was the longest flight TJ had ever been on at twelve hours long (me too!), and it wasn’t easy as we were stuck in middle seats with my husband sitting in front of us.

TJ managed to take a two and a half hour nap and then a second nap near the end that was about an hour long. When we wanted to get up and walk around, turbulence would pick up and we had to stay in our seats. Since I can’t sleep sitting up, I didn’t get any sleep and managed to watch four movies. In all honesty, I think that flight was harder on me than it was on TJ.

One thing that really helped with the long flight was that TJ got a new toy or a treat every couple of hours. We bought a couple of very small toys at a gift shop in Hong Kong and he got to open a new toy if he had been behaving for a few hours. He got a new garbage truck, a construction vehicle and a fire truck along with a couple of chocolate coins from See’s Candies that we had brought with us. TJ didn’t know how many toys we had bought, only that if he started getting really bored and fidgety or cranky, Daddy would pop his head over the seat and say, “Are you ready for a surprise?”

Overall, it was an amazing trip. I adored watching TJ play with his cousins even though they couldn’t speak each other’s languages. Both my husband and I enjoyed tasting and eating some amazing food with TJ. My boy adores fish, and it’s quite abundant in southern China. The three of us swam in the warm waters of the South China Sea, we got to pick out our dinner from a fisherman’s catch of the day, we hiked through a tropical rainforest, we walked around Victoria Peak, we rode the ferry across Hong Kong Harbor at night and saw an amazing skyline and we got to meet countless aunts, uncles, cousins and relatives whom I still haven’t figured out their relation to TJ. Everyone was warm, friendly and they really made our trip the best it could be.

Playing in the South China Sea in Hainan

This trip occurred just after TJ turned three, and I know that many of us can remember some bits of our lives when we were that young. I know I do. It is my sincere hope that TJ remembers at least some of this trip.

To end here are some additional tips that worked, and lessons we learned from this trip that can hopefully help parents with the notion that once you have a child, international travel is still possible… contrary to what you may have believed or been told.

• Bring whatever lovey, blanket, beloved stuffed animal, or pacifier if necessary to help your child sleep. We had been working on weaning TJ from his paci at bedtime and naptime, but we totally relaxed the rules while on this trip. He was still only allowed to have his paci if he was going to sleep, but we were a little more lax about it on the airplanes.

• Bring some snacks for your child that you know he or she will eat. Because of the disruption and confusion with meal times and nap times, TJ wasn’t all that interested in any of the in-flight meals that were provided. He was more interested in playing with the spoon and fork like drumsticks when it was dinnertime on the plane. Luckily we brought some fruit strips, fruit and veggie pouches, crackers, granola bars, and some fresh fruit with us so he could eat when he was hungry.

• If you are sightseeing, be conscious of your child and their need to have some plain old playtime. A couple of days into our trip, TJ was cranky, whiny and easily frustrated despite having a great night’s sleep. We realized that we had been shuttling him from house to house and attraction to attraction, he hadn’t had more than a few minutes each day to simply play. Once we were able to let him have an hour or two at a local playground, it let his mind and body reset and he was a happy boy again. Because there was so much we wanted to do, and so many people we wanted to visit, we made sure to schedule some play time every day or every other day depending on how TJ was doing.